Essentials: How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in the Short & Long Term | Dr. David Buss

About this video

• Video Title: Essentials: How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in the Short & Long Term | Dr. David Buss
• Channel: Andrew Huberman
• Speakers: Andrew Huberman, David Buss
• Duration: 00:30:59

Overview

This video features a conversation between Andrew Huberman and evolutionary psychologist Dr. David Buss, focusing on the science of mate selection and relationship dynamics. They explore the criteria men and women use for choosing short-term and long-term partners, the evolutionary basis for these preferences, and the psychological factors that influence relationship stability and conflict.

Key takeaways

• Darwin's Theory of Sexual Selection: Mating advantage is achieved through either intrasexual competition or preferential mate choice, where desired qualities increase in frequency over time.
• Universal Mate Preferences: Qualities like intelligence, kindness, mutual attraction, good health, dependability, and emotional stability are universally desired in long-term mates.
• Sex-Differentiated Preferences: Women tend to prioritize a partner's earning capacity, slightly older age, and resource acquisition potential, while men prioritize physical attractiveness, which is linked to health and fertility cues.
• Short-Term vs. Long-Term Mating: Preferences differ, with women sometimes valuing "bad boy" qualities (risk-taking, arrogance) for short-term mates, but "good dad" qualities (dependability) for long-term mates. Men may lower their standards for short-term mating.
• Jealousy as a Mateguarding Mechanism: Jealousy is an evolved emotion that protects investment in a long-term relationship by motivating vigilance against threats like infidelity or mate poachers, especially when mate value discrepancies arise.
• The Dark Triad: Traits like narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy are associated with sexual deception, harassment, and coercion, and are more prevalent in men, posing a significant risk in mating contexts, particularly when combined with a short-term mating strategy.
• Stalking as a Mating Tactic: Stalking often has mating motivations, such as an attempt to rekindle a relationship or interfere with a former partner's future mating prospects, and can sometimes be effective.
• Self-Assessment of Mate Value: People generally assess their own mate value, with self-esteem acting as an internal monitor. However, overestimation (common in narcissists) and underestimation can occur. Consensual mate value exists, but individual preferences create variations.
• Childhood Attachment Styles: Secure attachment is conducive to long-term mating, while avoidant styles can lead to intimacy difficulties and infidelity, and anxious styles may result in clinginess and high relationship demands.
• Dr. Buss's Books: Key works include "When Men Behave Badly" (focusing on sexual conflict), "The Evolution of Desire" (on human mating strategies), and the textbook "Evolutionary Psychology: The New Science of the Mind."