This video appears to be an interview, possibly for a social services or counseling context. The interviewer, Cat, speaks with James, who discusses his struggles with feeling down, isolating himself from friends, and difficulties in his work and family life following a separation. James expresses a desire to be more present for his children despite these challenges.
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Are you ready? Please seat. Okay. So, my name is Cat. You're James, right? Uh, yes. Okay. Um, sorry. Um, so, um, I'm I'm from I'm sorry. I'm I'm going to be a social service worker for these, um, sessions. And so, I just wanted to make sure that I knew your age first before we started. Uh, I'm 40. Okay. So, um, we're just going to go over confidentiality before we get started. Okay. So, um, just in this organization, whatever says uh is said between us, stay between us, but there's a couple um of times where this will be breached. So, just if you're at risk of hurting yourself, if you if a child or someone in a vulnerable physician is at risk or have harmed or has been harmed, um if a health service provider has harmed you, if my records are subpoenaed by courts, um or if I'm work if you're working with another counselor or a doctor and I have to give them or share with my um information with them. So, now that we we're done with the formalities, um let's talk about what brought you in today. Uh, I've just been worrying a lot lately. Okay. Um, do you want to tell me what this these worries have been sounding like for you? Like I I'm just going through like a lot right now. Like I stay in my bed and just think and worry, stay in my own head. Mhm. Um, and so are you usually like in bed a lot of the days? Are you usually staying in bed worried? Uh, correct. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Um, so it sounds like you're a bit like tired. Maybe you're having like tired days just like staying in bed or maybe you're just feeling a bit down. It's not necessarily that I'm tired. It's just I'm feeling a bit down lately. Like Oh, just feeling a bit down. Like really really down. Okay. Um, how about school? How are you doing at school? Um, not currently in school. Not currently in school? No. Um, and how about any friends? Do you see any friends? Uh, I've had to disassociate myself from my friends. Like I'm just going through a lot right now. Okay. Um, and how was your family life? Me and the wife barely talk and you know we separated and I have two young kids and I guess I've been I'm afraid that I may lose them because of how I've been feeling lately like how down I've been. Yeah. And so you're out in school so how's your work situation? Work is just I don't know. Like I'm there but I'm not really there. That's how it work. It's like Yeah. Um so it sounds like you're saying that um you just have been in bed very a lot recently because you've been feeling down and it's hard to connect with your family as well. Correct. Okay. Um and so what do you do for work? Can I ask? I work as a plumber. Okay. Okay. So work is not going too well. Um family's life's not going too well. Um and how is the living situation for you and your family? Uh me and my wife separated and I guess we take turns with the kids. Mhm. It's not bad, but I feel like I'm at risk of losing custody of the kids currently. Yeah. Because um that sounds very tough. That cannot be like a very good situation to go through at all. So, I see why you might be laying in bed most days. Um, and since you're separated living situation, um, is your other kids coming to see you often or are they mostly with their mom there? Uh, they're mostly with my mom. Yeah. Yeah. I I guess like I don't want them to see me in my current state. Yeah. I know father would want that. Yeah, that's understandable. Yeah. Um, so was there ever a time where you had um like a a schedule with your routine kids or a routine with your kids at all? Uh, I guess when they were like younger, that would be that time. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. Sounds like um there was like better times before when they were a little bit younger. Did anything change and stuff? I guess it would be the divorce that changed everything for me and the case. Yeah. Yeah. Separation, divorce. Yeah. Yeah. It sounds like you're doing your best that you can within the situation that you have. I mean, going through a divorce is a lot. Um, and also life stuff with kids is also a lot. Um, so when did you guys get separated? Can I ask? Uh like it would be about a year ago soon. Year ago. Soon. Yeah. Okay. Um so for the past year, has it just been like this constant like down emotion just like um really doing well with work kind of thing? Uh it's more so like I've not been I've been like showing up late for work. I've been skipping works on some days. Like all I want to do is just stay in my bed and just lay there. So skipping work too. I don't want to get out of my bed most days. Like I just want to stay there and Yeah. Just Mhm. Okay. Well, um yeah. So I mean I don't think there's any quick fix for how you're feeling right now. I mean time does help with this, but I hear that this has been really hard for you. Um, and so you're not really seeing any friends. Do you have anything that you're doing outside like of just like work and like um the time you spend inside? No, I I don't I barely spend time with my kids. Yeah. Is there anything that you would want to do with your kids or would there anything you would want to do if you had a bit more energy for that? Uh, I guess I would like to start spending more time with my kids. Like Mhm. I of course I don't want to lose custody of them, but I feel like if I keep going in this if I keep digging this rabbit hole, I'll lose the kids. Yeah. Yeah. So, it sounds like what you're saying is that um there's not really much for you to look forward to and you're just really scared of losing your kids right now. Yeah, that sounds very tough. Um and do you ever are you ever in contact with your ex spouse? Uh like she contacts me every now and then to go pick up the kids or something. And and so when you pick up the kids, um what what do you guys do during that time? Uh I usually pick them up from school and drop them back home or run them do games. Oh, so you take them to school. Okay. So it sounds like you're able to see them sometimes before you see them for school, which is nice for them to be able to like get driven around by their dad. Um and you said that they play sports. What kind of sports do they play? Uh, one of them plays soccer. I mean, they both play soccer. Yeah. Okay. Um, nice. So, do you often see them when play soccer when they play soccer? Uh, no. Just more so when my ex-wife is at work or something and can't pick the kids up or Okay. Basically, when she got no other choice. Okay. So, um, sounds like maybe, um, you don't see the kids as often because the your your ex-wife sees like or deals with them more often when she can. So, just more like when when she's not like able to deal with them. Okay. Um, okay. How is like I know it's hard um, not being able to get to bed and not having motivation to do things. Um, how how would you say that your mood is dayto-day? Like is it on a scale of 1 to 10? probably like a three most days. Three most days. And is that like like just very like like what would you what would you describe your emotions as other than like what? I would just say numb most of the time. Yeah. Okay. Um and so back to your job is um this affecting um your ability to pay bills or anything because you're not going into work? Uh yeah, it's just it's starting to affect it currently. Okay. Um so do you have anything that you want out of this in the future? Like do you have anything that you want going forward? Um when you think about being more involved in a kid's life? Uh I just I just want to man up and start being more involved in my kids life like this whatever I'm feeling it's just not good like it's greatly affecting me and it's like a feeling of depressed every time like really really depressed. Well, being this low, but still being able to show up for your kids um when your ex spouse can't take them shows a lot of um strength and shows that you might be able to pull through this time. So, that's a really good thing to focus on just like the little small moments of being senior kids and stuff. Um so, just being able to be more present for them is is a a goal for you, correct? Uh I would say so. Yeah. Okay. Um, so yeah. So I'm very happy to hear that you are able to once again like see them when your when your ex- spouse is not able to pick them up. Um, and see see them during the games and maybe going forward you can just think about like the small ones just like I said. So that's really good to hear. Um, and so do you have anything that you want to do for work just because it's affecting your bills? I I want to start showing up more. Start showing up more. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if I can do anything about being late, but just showing up more. Well, I think there's a good like middle ground there. Like um how long have you been at your job? Do you have any leeway with the the people that you work with? I've been working here for like I would say like 10 years now. 10 years. Yeah. Okay. That's probably why I haven't been fired. Yeah. Okay. Well, um well, that sounds that's good then. It sounds like you have a connection with some of the people that work there, even your managers, maybe. So, it sounds like maybe you'll be able if you start showing up more and more um you know, not everything has to be all 100%, but if you show up more, the more that you can show up, maybe you'll start showing up on time. You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't have to be like show up and also show up. You can just try your best, the best of your abilities, but it sounds good that you have that kind of rapport with your um with your job. Um, and so, um, do your kids ever come visit you? Like, do they ever come do they ever come visit you, um, when your when your wife or your ex-wife is, um, busy? Sorry. Uh, not not often. No. No. Okay. Yeah, that does sound um a little like a little sad to not be able to see your kids very often. Um, I mean that could definitely have an impact on anybody's day. So, I feel like I'm slowly losing it. Yeah. Um, yeah. So, how Sorry, I don't think I ever asked how old your kids were. Can I ask how old your kids were? uh 12 and 10. 12 and 10. Okay. Um so those are that's kind of a sensitive age for them. Um but also that there is also a long way to go until they're like mature an adult. So I feel like even though you feel like maybe they're slipping out of your hands, there is hope for something they can do in the future, especially because you you still do see them and you still do show up for them. So, I feel like maybe because you already have the bases there, maybe you can go from there. You know what I mean? Like I think I think it's good that you have your bases covered already. Um, but I can see how it would be very very tough and how this is a very like draining and like thing, a very draining thing as a person. So, I apologize. So, um, but yes, 12 and 10 are some ages. So, uh, do you ever do you ever see them for their birthdays or anything like that? Uh, yeah. I I make an effort to show up on their birthday. Like I know how much that means to them. Okay. Yeah. Well, that's good, too. That's a that's a I mean, I know at Barton birthdays are very important days for kids and so that also probably means something to them, like a little bit of a poor memory for them. Um, so that's that's very good to hear. Um, so some goals that you want to get through, just kind of being able to go to your job more um and show up more, not necessarily on time, but to your best of abilities, just like how you can. Um, again, I think it's really good that you have that kind of rapport with your job that you've worked there that long, so you kind of have a little of a sense of security there. Um, and then also being a little bit more involved with your kids. I think that, um, it's really good that you already are there for them when like their mom can't be there from them or there for them. Um, and I think that being able to get out of bed even though that's what where you want to be most days when your kids need you is very um, noble. M so I believe that there is some good um basis that you have here to be able to um meet your goals and meet your strengths. But I think more of a short-term goal for you would just to be taking one day at a time and doing what you can that day and um just being able to do what you can not think you have to do do it all and fix it all in one. um because it sounds like you have a lot of things that um are not going too well for you. Um but there also is a lot of positives and you seem like you have a lot of drive and you are you seem like you are a good family man. I see that you're concerned for your kids. So that's really good to hear. Um and uh maybe we can if if um sorry um so I'm so sorry. Um, so, um, I want to be respectful of your time and we're nearing the end of our time, so I just kind of want to go over what we went over today. Yeah. Um, and then we can set an appointment at the end if you're comfortable with that. Mhm. Um, so, um, just that you have been feeling down for a very long time since you were separated a year ago. Um, and you're not really seeing any friends. work situation isn't that good and the living situation um while you're separated so you don't really see your kids that often in your space. Um but what we can take from that is to just try and focus on the short-term like day-to-day goals. So just like what you can do that day, if you can get out of bed um that day or whatever you want to do that day to be able to meet the goals that you have um talked about this at in this time. Um and I think that um in the next session we'll be able to explore those goals some more. So um how about next week this same day a Tuesday at the same time? Yes. Tuesday at two will definitely work. Perfect. Good. Good. Okay. So I'm so glad for having you in today. Thank you for coming in. I will walk you back in. Okay. How are you ready?
Cat: Are you ready? Cat: Please seat. Cat: Okay. So, my name is Cat. You're James, right? James: Uh, yes. Okay. James: Um, sorry. Um, so, um, I'm I'm from I'm Cat: sorry. I'm I'm going to be a social service worker for these, um, sessions. Cat: And so, I just wanted to make sure that I knew your age first before we started. James: Uh, I'm 40. Cat: Okay. So, um, we're just going to go over confidentiality before we get started. James: Okay. Cat: So, um, just in this organization, whatever says uh is said between us, stay between us, but there's a couple um of times where this will be breached. Cat: So, just if you're at risk of hurting yourself, if you if a child or someone in a vulnerable physician is at risk or have harmed or has been harmed, um if a health service provider has harmed you, if my records are subpoenaed by courts, James: um or if I'm work if you're working with another counselor or a doctor and I have to give them or share with my um information with them. Cat: So, now that we we're done with the formalities, um let's talk about what brought you in today. James: Uh, I've just been worrying a lot lately. Cat: Okay. Um, do you want to tell me what this these worries have been sounding like for you? James: Like I I'm just going through like a lot right now. Like I stay in my bed and just think and worry, stay in my own head. Cat: Um, and so are you usually like in bed a lot of the days? Are you usually staying in bed worried? James: Uh, correct. Yeah. Cat: Yeah. Okay. Um, so it sounds like you're a bit like tired. Maybe you're having like tired days just like staying in bed or maybe you're just feeling a bit down. James: It's not necessarily that I'm tired. It's just I'm feeling a bit down lately. Like Cat: Oh, just feeling a bit down. James: Like really really down. Okay. Um, how about school? How are you doing at school? James: Um, not currently in school. Cat: Not currently in school? No. James: Um, and how about any friends? Do you see any friends? James: Uh, I've had to disassociate myself from my friends. Like I'm just going through a lot right now. Cat: Okay. Cat: Um, and how was your family life? James: Me and the wife barely talk and you know we separated and I have two young kids and I guess I've been I'm afraid that I may lose them because of how I've been feeling lately like how down I've been. Cat: Yeah. Cat: And so you're out in school so how's your work situation? James: Work is just I don't know. Like I'm there but I'm not really there. Cat: That's how it work. It's like James: Yeah. Cat: Um so it sounds like you're saying that um you just have been in bed very a lot recently because you've been feeling down and it's hard to connect with your family as well. Correct. Cat: Okay. Um and so what do you do for work? Can I ask? James: I work as a plumber. Cat: Okay. Cat: Okay. So work is not going too well. Um family's life's not going too well. Um and how is the living situation for you and your family? James: Uh me and my wife separated and I guess we take turns with the kids. Cat: Mhm. Cat: It's not bad, but James: I feel like I'm at risk of losing custody of the kids currently. Yeah. Because Cat: um Cat: that sounds very tough. That cannot be like a very good situation to go through at all. So, I see why you might be laying in bed most days. Um, and since you're separated living situation, um, is your other kids coming to see you often or are they mostly with their mom there? James: Uh, they're mostly with my mom. Cat: Yeah. James: Yeah. I James: I guess like I don't want them to see me in my current state. Cat: Yeah. James: I know father would want that. Cat: Yeah, that's understandable. Yeah. Um, so was there ever a time where you had um like a a schedule with your routine kids or a routine with your kids at all? James: Uh, I guess when they were like younger, that would be that time. Yeah. Cat: Yeah. Cat: So, yeah. Sounds like um there was like better times before when they were a little bit younger. Cat: Did anything change and stuff? James: I guess it would be the divorce that changed everything for me and the case. Yeah. Cat: Yeah. James: Yeah. Cat: Separation, divorce. Yeah. Cat: Yeah. It sounds like you're doing your best that you can within the situation that you have. I mean, going through a divorce is a lot. Um, and also life stuff with kids is also a lot. Um, so when did you guys get separated? Can I ask? James: Uh like it would be about a year ago soon. Cat: Year ago. James: Soon. Yeah. Cat: Okay. Um so for the past year, has it just been like this constant like down emotion just like um really doing well with work kind of thing? James: Uh it's more so like I've not been I've been like showing up late for work. I've been skipping works on some days. Like all I want to do is just stay in my bed and just lay there. Cat: So skipping work too. James: I don't want to get out of my bed most days. Like I just want to stay there and Yeah. Just Cat: Mhm. Okay. Well, um yeah. So I mean I don't think there's any quick fix for how you're feeling right now. I mean time does help with this, but I hear that this has been really hard for you. Um, and so you're not really seeing any friends. Do you have anything that you're doing outside like of just like work and like um the time you spend inside? James: No, I I don't I barely spend time with my kids. Cat: Yeah. Cat: Is there anything that you would want to do with your kids or would there anything you would want to do if you had a bit more energy for that? James: Uh, I guess I would like to start spending more time with my kids. Like Cat: Mhm. James: I of course I don't want to lose custody of them, but I feel like if I keep going in this if I keep digging this rabbit hole, I'll James: lose the kids. Cat: Yeah. Yeah. So, it sounds like what you're saying is that um there's not really much for you to look forward to and you're just really scared of losing your kids right now. James: Yeah, Cat: that sounds very tough. Cat: Um and do you ever are you ever in contact with your ex spouse? James: Uh like she contacts me every now and then to go pick up the kids or something. Cat: And and so when you pick up the kids, um what what do you guys do during that time? James: Uh I usually pick them up from school and drop them back home or Cat: run them do games. James: Oh, so you take them to school. Okay. So it sounds like you're able to see them sometimes before you see them for school, which is nice for them to be able to like get driven around by their dad. Um and you said that they play sports. What kind of sports do they play? James: Uh, one of them plays soccer. I mean, they both play soccer. Yeah. Cat: Okay. Um, nice. So, do you often see them when play soccer when they play soccer? James: Uh, no. Just more so when my ex-wife is at work or something and can't pick the kids up or Cat: Okay. James: Basically, when she got no other choice. Cat: Okay. So, um, sounds like maybe, um, you don't see the kids as often because the your your ex-wife sees like or deals with them more often when she can. So, just more like when when she's not like able to deal with them. James: Okay. Cat: Um, okay. How is like I know it's hard um, not being able to get to bed and not having motivation to do things. Um, how how would you say that your mood is dayto-day? Like is it on a scale of 1 to 10? probably like a three most days. James: Three most days. And is that like like just very like like what would you what would you describe your emotions as other than like what? James: I would just say numb most of the time. Yeah. Cat: Okay. Cat: Um and so back to your job is um this affecting um your ability to pay bills or anything because you're not going into work? James: Uh yeah, it's just it's starting to affect it currently. Cat: Okay. Um Cat: so do you have anything that you want out of this in the future? Like do you have anything that you want going forward? Um when you think about being more involved in a kid's life? James: Uh I just I just want to man up and start being more involved in my kids life like this whatever I'm feeling it's just not good like it's greatly affecting me and it's like a feeling of depressed every time like really really depressed. Well, being this low, but still being able to show up for your kids um when your ex spouse can't take them shows a lot of um strength and shows that you might be able to pull through this time. So, that's a really good thing to focus on just like the little small moments of being senior kids and stuff. Cat: Um Cat: so, Cat: just being able to be more present for them is Cat: is a a goal for you, correct? James: Uh I would say so. Cat: Yeah. Okay. Um, so yeah. So I'm very happy to hear that you are able to once again like see them when your when your ex- spouse is not able to pick them up. Cat: Um, and see see them during the games and maybe going forward you can just think about like the small ones just like I said. So that's really good to hear. Um, and so do you have anything that you want to do for work just because it's affecting your bills? James: I I want to start showing up more. Cat: Start showing up more. James: Yeah. Cat: Yeah. James: Yeah. James: I don't know if I can do anything about being late, but just showing up more. Cat: Well, I think there's a good like middle ground there. Like um how long have you been at your job? Do you have any leeway with the the people that you work with? James: I've been working here for like I would say like 10 years now. Cat: 10 years. James: Yeah. Cat: Okay. James: That's probably why I haven't been fired. Cat: Yeah. Cat: Okay. Well, um well, that sounds that's good then. It sounds like you have a connection with some of the people that work there, even your managers, maybe. So, it sounds like maybe you'll be able if you start showing up more and more um you know, not everything has to be all 100%, but if you show up more, the more that you can show up, maybe you'll start showing up on time. You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't have to be like show up and also show up. You can just try your best, the best of your abilities, but it sounds good that you have that kind of rapport with your um with your job. Um, and so, Cat: um, do your kids ever come visit you? Like, do they ever come do they ever come visit you, um, when your when your wife or your ex-wife is, um, busy? James: Uh, not not often. Cat: No. James: No. Cat: Okay. Yeah, that does sound um a little like a little sad to not be able to see your kids very often. Um, I mean that could definitely have an impact on anybody's day. So, James: I feel like I'm slowly losing it. Cat: Yeah. Cat: Um, Cat: yeah. Cat: So, Cat: how Cat: Sorry, I don't think I ever asked how old your kids were. Can I ask how old your kids were? James: uh 12 and 10. Cat: 12 and 10. Okay. Um so those are that's kind of a sensitive age for them. Um but also that there is also a long way to go until they're like mature an adult. So I feel like even though you feel like maybe they're slipping out of your hands, there is hope for something they can do in the future, especially because you you still do see them and you still do show up for them. So, I feel like maybe because you already have the bases there, maybe you can go from there. You know what I mean? Like I think I think it's good that you have your bases covered already. Um, but I can see how it would be very very tough and how this is a very like draining and like thing, a very draining thing as a person. So, I apologize. So, um, but yes, 12 and 10 are some ages. So, uh, do you ever do you ever see them for their birthdays or anything like that? James: Uh, yeah. I I make an effort to show up on their birthday. Like I know how much that means to them. Cat: Okay. Yeah. Well, that's good, too. That's a that's a I mean, I know at Barton birthdays are very important days for kids and so that also probably means something to them, like a little bit of a poor memory for them. Um, so that's that's very good to hear. Cat: Um, Cat: so Cat: some goals Cat: that you want to get through, just kind of being able to go to your job more um and show up more, not necessarily on time, but to your best of abilities, just like how you can. Cat: Um, again, I think it's really good that you have that kind of rapport with your job that you've worked there that long, so you kind of have a little of a sense of security there. Cat: Um, Cat: and then also being a little bit more involved with your kids. Cat: I think that, Cat: um, it's really good that you already are there for them when like their mom can't be there from them or there for them. Um, Cat: and I think that being able to get out of bed even though that's what where you want to be most days when your kids need you is very um, noble. M Cat: so I believe that there is some good um basis that you have here to be able to um meet your goals and meet your strengths. But I think more of a short-term goal for you would just to be taking one day at a time and doing what you can that day and um just being able to do what you can not think you have to do do it all and fix it all in one. um because it sounds like you have a lot of things that um are not going too well for you. Cat: Um but there also is a lot of positives and you seem like you have a lot of drive and you are you seem like you are a good family man. I see that you're concerned for your kids. So that's really good to hear. Um Cat: and uh maybe we can if if um sorry Cat: um Cat: so Cat: I'm so sorry. Um, so, Cat: um, I want to be respectful of your time and we're nearing the end of our time, so I just kind of want to go over what we went over today. James: Yeah. Cat: Um, and then we can set an appointment at the end if you're comfortable with that. James: Mhm. Cat: Um, so, Cat: um, just that you have been feeling down for a very long time since you were separated a year ago. Cat: Um, and you're not really seeing any friends. work situation isn't that good and the living situation um while you're separated so you don't really see your kids that often in your space. Um but what we can take from that is to just try and focus on the short-term like day-to-day goals. So just like what you can do that day, if you can get out of bed um that day or whatever you want to do that day to be able to meet the goals that you have um talked about this at in this time. Cat: Um and I think that um in the next session we'll be able to explore those goals some more. So um how about next week this same day a Tuesday at the same time? James: Yes. Tuesday at two will definitely work. Cat: Perfect. Good. Good. Okay. So I'm so glad for having you in today. Thank you for coming in. I will walk you back in. James: Okay. Cat: How are you ready?
Speaker 1: Are you ready? Speaker 1: Please seat. Speaker 1: Okay. So, my name is Cat. You're James, right? Speaker 2: Uh, yes. Okay. Speaker 2: Um, sorry. Um, so, um, I'm I'm from I'm Speaker 1: sorry. I'm I'm going to be a social service worker for these, um, sessions. Speaker 1: And so, I just wanted to make sure that I knew your age first before we started. Speaker 2: Uh, I'm 40. Speaker 1: Okay. So, um, we're just going to go over confidentiality before we get started. Speaker 2: Okay. Speaker 1: So, um, just in this organization, whatever says uh is said between us, stay between us, but there's a couple um of times where this will be breached. Speaker 1: So, just if you're at risk of hurting yourself, if you if a child or someone in a vulnerable physician is at risk or have harmed or has been harmed, um if a health service provider has harmed you, if my records are subpoenaed by courts, Speaker 2: um or if I'm work if you're working with another counselor or a doctor and I have to give them or share with my um information with them. Speaker 1: So, now that we we're done with the formalities, um let's talk about what brought you in today. Speaker 2: Uh, I've just been worrying a lot lately. Speaker 1: Okay. Um, do you want to tell me what this these worries have been sounding like for you? Speaker 2: Like I I'm just going through like a lot right now. Like I stay in my bed and just think and worry, stay in my own head. Speaker 1: Um, and so are you usually like in bed a lot of the days? Are you usually staying in bed worried? Speaker 2: Uh, correct. Yeah. Speaker 1: Yeah. Okay. Um, so it sounds like you're a bit like tired. Maybe you're having like tired days just like staying in bed or maybe you're just feeling a bit down. Speaker 2: It's not necessarily that I'm tired. It's just I'm feeling a bit down lately. Like Speaker 1: Oh, just feeling a bit down. Speaker 2: Like really really down. Okay. Um, how about school? How are you doing at school? Speaker 2: Um, not currently in school. Speaker 1: Not currently in school? No. Speaker 2: Um, and how about any friends? Do you see any friends? Speaker 2: Uh, I've had to disassociate myself from my friends. Like I'm just going through a lot right now. Speaker 1: Okay. Speaker 1: Um, and how was your family life? Speaker 2: Me and the wife barely talk and you know we separated and I have two young kids and I guess I've been I'm afraid that I may lose them because of how I've been feeling lately like how down I've been. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 1: And so you're out in school so how's your work situation? Speaker 2: Work is just I don't know. Like I'm there but I'm not really there. Speaker 1: That's how it work. It's like Speaker 2: Yeah. Speaker 1: Um so it sounds like you're saying that um you just have been in bed very a lot recently because you've been feeling down and it's hard to connect with your family as well. Correct. Speaker 1: Okay. Um and so what do you do for work? Can I ask? Speaker 2: I work as a plumber. Speaker 1: Okay. Speaker 1: Okay. So work is not going too well. Um family's life's not going too well. Um and how is the living situation for you and your family? Speaker 2: Uh me and my wife separated and I guess we take turns with the kids. Speaker 1: Mhm. Speaker 1: It's not bad, but Speaker 2: I feel like I'm at risk of losing custody of the kids currently. Yeah. Because Speaker 1: um Speaker 1: that sounds very tough. That cannot be like a very good situation to go through at all. So, I see why you might be laying in bed most days. Um, and since you're separated living situation, um, is your other kids coming to see you often or are they mostly with their mom there? Speaker 2: Uh, they're mostly with my mom. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 2: Yeah. I Speaker 2: I guess like I don't want them to see me in my current state. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 2: I know father would want that. Speaker 1: Yeah, that's understandable. Yeah. Um, so was there ever a time where you had um like a a schedule with your routine kids or a routine with your kids at all? Speaker 2: Uh, I guess when they were like younger, that would be that time. Yeah. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 1: So, yeah. Sounds like um there was like better times before when they were a little bit younger. Speaker 1: Did anything change and stuff? Speaker 2: I guess it would be the divorce that changed everything for me and the case. Yeah. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 2: Yeah. Speaker 1: Separation, divorce. Yeah. Speaker 1: Yeah. It sounds like you're doing your best that you can within the situation that you have. I mean, going through a divorce is a lot. Um, and also life stuff with kids is also a lot. Um, so when did you guys get separated? Can I ask? Speaker 2: Uh like it would be about a year ago soon. Speaker 1: Year ago. Speaker 2: Soon. Yeah. Speaker 1: Okay. Um so for the past year, has it just been like this constant like down emotion just like um really doing well with work kind of thing? Speaker 2: Uh it's more so like I've not been I've been like showing up late for work. I've been skipping works on some days. Like all I want to do is just stay in my bed and just lay there. Speaker 1: So skipping work too. Speaker 2: I don't want to get out of my bed most days. Like I just want to stay there and Yeah. Just Speaker 1: Mhm. Okay. Well, um yeah. So I mean I don't think there's any quick fix for how you're feeling right now. I mean time does help with this, but I hear that this has been really hard for you. Um, and so you're not really seeing any friends. Do you have anything that you're doing outside like of just like work and like um the time you spend inside? Speaker 2: No, I I don't I barely spend time with my kids. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 1: Is there anything that you would want to do with your kids or would there anything you would want to do if you had a bit more energy for that? Speaker 2: Uh, I guess I would like to start spending more time with my kids. Like Speaker 1: Mhm. Speaker 2: I of course I don't want to lose custody of them, but I feel like if I keep going in this if I keep digging this rabbit hole, I'll Speaker 2: lose the kids. Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. So, it sounds like what you're saying is that um there's not really much for you to look forward to and you're just really scared of losing your kids right now. Speaker 2: Yeah, Speaker 1: that sounds very tough. Speaker 1: Um and do you ever are you ever in contact with your ex spouse? Speaker 2: Uh like she contacts me every now and then to go pick up the kids or something. Speaker 1: And and so when you pick up the kids, um what what do you guys do during that time? Speaker 2: Uh I usually pick them up from school and drop them back home or Speaker 1: run them do games. Speaker 2: Oh, so you take them to school. Okay. So it sounds like you're able to see them sometimes before you see them for school, which is nice for them to be able to like get driven around by their dad. Um and you said that they play sports. What kind of sports do they play? Speaker 2: Uh, one of them plays soccer. I mean, they both play soccer. Yeah. Speaker 1: Okay. Um, nice. So, do you often see them when play soccer when they play soccer? Speaker 2: Uh, no. Just more so when my ex-wife is at work or something and can't pick the kids up or Speaker 1: Okay. Speaker 2: Basically, when she got no other choice. Speaker 1: Okay. So, um, sounds like maybe, um, you don't see the kids as often because the your your ex-wife sees like or deals with them more often when she can. So, just more like when when she's not like able to deal with them. Speaker 2: Okay. Speaker 1: Um, okay. How is like I know it's hard um, not being able to get to bed and not having motivation to do things. Um, how how would you say that your mood is dayto-day? Like is it on a scale of 1 to 10? probably like a three most days. Speaker 2: Three most days. And is that like like just very like like what would you what would you describe your emotions as other than like what? Speaker 2: I would just say numb most of the time. Yeah. Speaker 1: Okay. Speaker 1: Um and so back to your job is um this affecting um your ability to pay bills or anything because you're not going into work? Speaker 2: Uh yeah, it's just it's starting to affect it currently. Speaker 1: Okay. Um Speaker 1: so do you have anything that you want out of this in the future? Like do you have anything that you want going forward? Um when you think about being more involved in a kid's life? Speaker 2: Uh I just I just want to man up and start being more involved in my kids life like this whatever I'm feeling it's just not good like it's greatly affecting me and it's like a feeling of depressed every time like really really depressed. Well, being this low, but still being able to show up for your kids um when your ex spouse can't take them shows a lot of um strength and shows that you might be able to pull through this time. So, that's a really good thing to focus on just like the little small moments of being senior kids and stuff. Speaker 1: Um Speaker 1: so, Speaker 1: just being able to be more present for them is Speaker 1: is a a goal for you, correct? Speaker 2: Uh I would say so. Speaker 1: Yeah. Okay. Um, so yeah. So I'm very happy to hear that you are able to once again like see them when your when your ex- spouse is not able to pick them up. Speaker 1: Um, and see see them during the games and maybe going forward you can just think about like the small ones just like I said. So that's really good to hear. Um, and so do you have anything that you want to do for work just because it's affecting your bills? Speaker 2: I I want to start showing up more. Speaker 1: Start showing up more. Speaker 2: Yeah. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 2: Yeah. Speaker 2: I don't know if I can do anything about being late, but just showing up more. Speaker 1: Well, I think there's a good like middle ground there. Like um how long have you been at your job? Do you have any leeway with the the people that you work with? Speaker 2: I've been working here for like I would say like 10 years now. Speaker 1: 10 years. Speaker 2: Yeah. Speaker 1: Okay. Speaker 2: That's probably why I haven't been fired. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 1: Okay. Well, um well, that sounds that's good then. It sounds like you have a connection with some of the people that work there, even your managers, maybe. So, it sounds like maybe you'll be able if you start showing up more and more um you know, not everything has to be all 100%, but if you show up more, the more that you can show up, maybe you'll start showing up on time. You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't have to be like show up and also show up. You can just try your best, the best of your abilities, but it sounds good that you have that kind of rapport with your um with your job. Um, and so, Speaker 1: um, do your kids ever come visit you? Like, do they ever come do they ever come visit you, um, when your when your wife or your ex-wife is, um, busy? Speaker 2: Uh, not not often. Speaker 1: No. Speaker 2: No. Speaker 1: Okay. Yeah, that does sound um a little like a little sad to not be able to see your kids very often. Um, I mean that could definitely have an impact on anybody's day. So, Speaker 2: I feel like I'm slowly losing it. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 1: Um, Speaker 1: yeah. Speaker 1: So, Speaker 1: how Speaker 1: Sorry, I don't think I ever asked how old your kids were. Can I ask how old your kids were? Speaker 2: uh 12 and 10. Speaker 1: 12 and 10. Okay. Um so those are that's kind of a sensitive age for them. Um but also that there is also a long way to go until they're like mature an adult. So I feel like even though you feel like maybe they're slipping out of your hands, there is hope for something they can do in the future, especially because you you still do see them and you still do show up for them. So, I feel like maybe because you already have the bases there, maybe you can go from there. You know what I mean? Like I think I think it's good that you have your bases covered already. Um, but I can see how it would be very very tough and how this is a very like draining and like thing, a very draining thing as a person. So, I apologize. So, um, but yes, 12 and 10 are some ages. So, uh, do you ever do you ever see them for their birthdays or anything like that? Speaker 2: Uh, yeah. I I make an effort to show up on their birthday. Like I know how much that means to them. Speaker 1: Okay. Yeah. Well, that's good, too. That's a that's a I mean, I know at Barton birthdays are very important days for kids and so that also probably means something to them, like a little bit of a poor memory for them. Um, so that's that's very good to hear. Speaker 1: Um, Speaker 1: so Speaker 1: some goals Speaker 1: that you want to get through, just kind of being able to go to your job more um and show up more, not necessarily on time, but to your best of abilities, just like how you can. Speaker 1: Um, again, I think it's really good that you have that kind of rapport with your job that you've worked there that long, so you kind of have a little of a sense of security there. Speaker 1: Um, Speaker 1: and then also being a little bit more involved with your kids. Speaker 1: I think that, Speaker 1: um, it's really good that you already are there for them when like their mom can't be there from them or there for them. Um, Speaker 1: and I think that being able to get out of bed even though that's what where you want to be most days when your kids need you is very um, noble. M Speaker 1: so I believe that there is some good um basis that you have here to be able to um meet your goals and meet your strengths. But I think more of a short-term goal for you would just to be taking one day at a time and doing what you can that day and um just being able to do what you can not think you have to do do it all and fix it all in one. um because it sounds like you have a lot of things that um are not going too well for you. Speaker 1: Um but there also is a lot of positives and you seem like you have a lot of drive and you are you seem like you are a good family man. I see that you're concerned for your kids. So that's really good to hear. Um Speaker 1: and uh maybe we can if if um sorry Speaker 1: um Speaker 1: so Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. Um, so, Speaker 1: um, I want to be respectful of your time and we're nearing the end of our time, so I just kind of want to go over what we went over today. Speaker 2: Yeah. Speaker 1: Um, and then we can set an appointment at the end if you're comfortable with that. Speaker 2: Mhm. Speaker 1: Um, so, Speaker 1: um, just that you have been feeling down for a very long time since you were separated a year ago. Speaker 1: Um, and you're not really seeing any friends. work situation isn't that good and the living situation um while you're separated so you don't really see your kids that often in your space. Um but what we can take from that is to just try and focus on the short-term like day-to-day goals. So just like what you can do that day, if you can get out of bed um that day or whatever you want to do that day to be able to meet the goals that you have um talked about this at in this time. Speaker 1: Um and I think that um in the next session we'll be able to explore those goals some more. So um how about next week this same day a Tuesday at the same time? Speaker 2: Yes. Tuesday at two will definitely work. Speaker 1: Perfect. Good. Good. Okay. So I'm so glad for having you in today. Thank you for coming in. I will walk you back in. Speaker 2: Okay. Speaker 1: How are you ready?
