About this video

• Video Title: How to BE A MAN: essential and performative masculinity
• Channel: PsycHacks
• Speakers: Dr Orion Taraban
• Duration: 00:09:00

Overview

This video discusses the concept of masculinity, differentiating between performative masculinity and essential masculinity. The speaker argues that many common ideas about being a man are merely performances or learned behaviors tied to societal expectations and specific times/places. True masculinity, according to the speaker, is defined by two essential qualities: having a "spine" (integrity, conviction, and the courage to stand up for one's beliefs) and "balls" (the willingness to endure risk and consequences for those beliefs).

Key takeaways

• Performative Masculinity: This refers to actions, behaviors, possessions, or appearances that are used to signal or confirm "manliness" within a social context. Examples include growing a beard, lifting weights, starting a business, or knowing about sports. These are learned and can change with time and culture.
• Essential Masculinity: This is defined by two core, non-performative qualities:
  • Spine: The integrity and conviction to know and stand up for what you believe to be true, even when it's difficult or unpopular. This requires self-knowledge and the courage to express one's authentic self.
  • Balls: The willingness to accept and endure the risks, consequences, and potential suffering that come with living by one's convictions. This means not caring about external approval or disapproval and being willing to risk reputation, relationships, or even life for one's beliefs.
• The Contrast: The video emphasizes that true masculinity isn't about a specific set of actions or a performative display. One can possess essential masculinity (spine and balls) without engaging in traditional masculine activities, and conversely, one can perform all the expected "manly" actions without embodying essential masculinity.
• Respect: True respect, especially from other men and women, is earned by demonstrating a spine and balls—standing up for one's beliefs and enduring the consequences—rather than through performative displays.

The video mentions several examples of performative masculinity, which are actions or behaviors used to signify "man" status. These include:

• Growing a beard
• Lifting heavy things
• Starting a business
• Going fishing or hunting
• Learning to start a fire
• Learning to drive a manual transmission
• Learning to seduce women
• Learning to fight or shoot a gun
• Grilling a ribeye steak
• Talking knowledgeably about sports
• Drinking beer and appreciating whiskey