This video discusses how to handle defensiveness in communication to improve conversations. The speaker, Jefferson Fisher, explains the biological basis of defensiveness and offers techniques to manage and mitigate it in oneself and others. He highlights the importance of avoiding accusatory language and using phrases that promote understanding and collaboration.
Defensiveness is a natural biological response: It's triggered when we perceive something as a threat or challenge. Understanding this helps manage the reaction.
Let words fall to the ground: Don't feel obligated to respond immediately to every perceived slight. Take time to decide if a response is necessary.
Avoid starting sentences with "you": Phrases beginning with "you" are accusatory and trigger defensiveness. Replace them with "I" statements to express your feelings without blaming.
Use phrases to dampen defensive responses: Phrases such as "I agree," "That's helpful to know," and "I've learned..." acknowledge the other person and reduce defensiveness.
Rephrase directives: Instead of using words like "need to," use softer phrasing like "can we try to..." to foster collaboration. Also, focus criticism on the task or object rather than the person involved.
Avoid starting sentences with "why": This can feel like an interrogation. Replace it with "how" or "what" for a less confrontational approach.
