About this video

• Video Title: I Studied SOCIAL ANXIETY In Thousands Of Clients & Learned This...
• Channel: JulienHimself
• Speakers: Julien (Host), Audience Member(s), Yun (Guest)
• Duration: 00:37:09

Overview

This video explores the roots of social anxiety and loneliness, tracing them back to childhood social conditioning and the development of a "public," "private," and "secret" life. The speaker emphasizes how disowning parts of oneself due to fear of survival leads to performing rather than expressing, which can manifest as social anxiety. The video offers practical techniques, like vocal exercises and confronting fears, to help individuals re-own disowned parts and reduce the pressure of constant performance.

Key takeaways

• Loneliness is not solely about being alone: Individuals can experience profound loneliness even when surrounded by people, often due to an internal disconnect and a feeling of being misunderstood.
• Social conditioning starts in childhood: From a young age, children learn to perform and wear masks to gain approval, leading them to disown parts of themselves that are perceived as threatening to their survival or social acceptance.
• Trauma is perspective-dependent: Experiences that seem minor to adults can be perceived as traumatic by children if their survival instinct is triggered, leading to coping mechanisms like dissociation and performance.
• The "performance" vs. "expression" dichotomy: Many people live performing a curated version of themselves rather than genuinely expressing their authentic selves, driven by the deep-seated need for approval.
• Re-owning disowned parts is key to healing: Techniques such as facing fears ("bluffs"), vocal exercises (like screaming), and practicing "power" over "force" can help individuals reintegrate disowned aspects of themselves, reducing anxiety and fostering self-acceptance.
• "Power" is about relaxed authenticity, "Force" is about resistance: True power comes from a relaxed state of being, allowing for authentic expression, while force involves fighting against internal resistance and societal conditioning.

According to the former CIA operative mentioned in the video, people live three lives:

1. Public life: The front that people put on when they leave their homes, projecting an image of being joyful and fine.
2. Private life: The life shared with close friends and family, where glimpses of their true selves might be seen.
3. Secret life: A life that is not shared publicly or even with closest friends, which the speaker suggests is indicative of unhealthiness the larger it is.

The technique the speaker teaches clients that follows the formula "action, trigger, release, repeat" is a method to help re-own and embody parts of oneself that have been disowned. By taking an action (like screaming), it triggers the resistance associated with that disowned part, bringing it closer to the surface where it can be more easily acknowledged. This awareness then allows for the release of tension and resistance, and the process is repeated to reinforce the change.