About this video

• Video Title: Richard La Ruina | The Formula for Night Game | Full Length HD
• Channel: 21 Studios
• Speakers: Richard La Ruina
• Duration: 01:20:31

Overview

This video features Richard La Ruina discussing his "formula for night game," focusing on techniques for approaching and interacting with women in social settings like clubs. He emphasizes the importance of non-verbal communication, escalation, and building rapport, drawing from his personal experiences and observations of successful "pick-up artists."

Key takeaways

• Non-Verbal Communication is Crucial: La Ruina highlights that non-verbal cues like eye contact, facial expressions, and body language are more effective than verbal approaches in initiating interactions, especially in loud environments.
• "Forcing" Eye Contact: A key technique discussed is "forcing" eye contact from a distance to gauge interest and provoke a response, which helps in calibrating the approach and reducing approach anxiety.
• Gradual Escalation: The video stresses the importance of a smooth, incremental escalation of physical and emotional intimacy, moving from zero to a hundred on a scale rather than using an "on-off switch." This gradual approach makes it harder for women to reject advances.
• Building Rapport and Connection: La Ruina emphasizes understanding a person's emotions, motivations, and character traits to build a deeper, more meaningful connection, which is more effective than superficial conversation.
• Overcoming Social Pressure: Techniques are presented to bypass social pressure and group dynamics, allowing for successful interactions even in challenging social settings or when approaching someone in a group.

La Ruina's "escalation" strategy is based on a gradual, incremental approach to building intimacy, moving from zero to a hundred on a scale rather than using an "on-off switch." This involves a smooth, step-by-step process of increasing physical and emotional connection, making it difficult for the woman to reject advances and ensuring she "goes with it" rather than having to make a definitive "yes" or "no" decision at any one point. He emphasizes that this gradual escalation is often non-verbal and aims to create sexual tension without triggering negative responses or social pressure.

Yes, La Ruina provides several examples of escalation strategies:

• Non-Verbal Openings: In a loud club, he suggests making eye contact and then performing a simple non-verbal action like raising a glass or waving. The woman's response to this gesture helps determine how to proceed. A positive response allows for a direct approach, while a negative one indicates the need for a different tactic.
• Physical Escalation During Conversation: He describes slowing down speech, becoming smoother, and changing the way he looks at a woman (e.g., glancing at her mouth) to introduce sexual tension. He also mentions incorporating pauses during conversation to build this tension.
• Non-Ambiguous Touches: La Ruina advocates for escalating through touch, starting with subtle, non-ambiguous gestures. He gives an example of touching a woman's leg while talking to her, which is a clear signal of interest that differs from how one would touch a male friend.
• The "Frog in Hot Water" Analogy: He uses the analogy of slowly heating water for a frog, which stays in the pot because the change is gradual. Similarly, he suggests escalating slowly so the woman doesn't feel the need to make a distinct "yes" or "no" decision and simply "goes with it."
• Using "Friends" as a Catalyst: He talks about making friends with a woman's female friends. This can lead to introductions and create a social dynamic where the woman is more likely to accept invitations or further interactions because her friends are already comfortable with the situation. He even describes scenarios where a friend might leave to buy cigarettes, creating an opportunity for him to go with the woman.

La Ruina proposes building a deeper connection by moving beyond superficial conversation and focusing on understanding the three key elements of a person: their emotions, motivations, and character traits.

He suggests that instead of asking standard questions about where someone is from or what they do, one should listen for pieces of information that reveal these deeper aspects. For example, if a woman mentions moving to Sweden, La Ruina would explore the emotions (scary, adventurous, exciting), motivations (why did she move? running from something? seeking opportunity?), and character traits (risk-taker, dedicated) associated with that decision.

By understanding these core elements, he believes you can connect with someone on a more profound level, similar to how you would confide in three trusted people in your life who truly understand you. He emphasizes that this approach allows you to feel a genuine connection within a short amount of time and makes the interaction feel more meaningful and less like a pickup attempt.

Yes, La Ruina provides more examples and elaborates on his techniques:

• Revealing Emotions Through Actions: When a woman shares something like moving to a new country, instead of just acknowledging it, he would probe deeper to understand how she felt about it (emotions), why she did it (motivations), and what that says about her as a person (character traits). He highlights that common emotions like fear, excitement, or the desire for adventure can be explored to find common ground.
• Understanding Motivations Beyond Surface Level: He differentiates between superficial questions and those that uncover motivations. For instance, instead of just asking "Do you like Sweden?", he'd explore why she's in Sweden – perhaps seeking economic opportunity, adventure, or escaping something. This understanding allows for a more meaningful conversation.
• Identifying Character Traits: By listening to her life choices and experiences, he aims to identify character traits like being a risk-taker, dedicated, or having a strong work ethic. He suggests that even if you don't share the exact same traits, you can still identify with and understand them.
• The "Blank Canvas" Approach: La Ruina describes approaching conversations like filling a "blank canvas." He actively seeks information to understand who the person truly is, distinguishing between a potential long-term partner and a casual encounter. This process involves uncovering emotions, motivations, and character traits.
• Connecting Through Shared Humanity: He posits that despite outward differences, humans share fundamental emotions, motivations, and character traits. By identifying these commonalities, one can build a strong connection and make the other person feel understood and validated.
• Example of a Woman Crying: He recounts a situation where a woman he was talking to started crying and confessed she missed her family and felt lonely. Instead of being put off, La Ruina used this emotional vulnerability to build a deeper connection by understanding her feelings and motivations, making her feel like he was an important person in her life. He framed this as a powerful technique for building trust and connection quickly.

The last point discussed regarding social pressure was about how to navigate interactions when you're trying to isolate someone from their group or in a situation where their friends might interfere. La Ruina suggests that by establishing a connection before a direct approach, you can bypass some of the social obstacles.

He gives an example of seeing a group of women at a table in a club and wanting to interact with one of them. Instead of a direct, potentially awkward approach, he advocates for a non-verbal signal from a distance first. If that elicits a positive response, he might then approach and use a pre-established rapport or a friendly greeting, like "Hey, how have you been?" This can make the woman's friends assume you already know each other, thus reducing their potential interference.

He also touches on how having female friends can be beneficial. If you've become friends with one woman, she might introduce you to her other friends, making subsequent interactions smoother and less of a "cold approach." This leverages existing social connections to overcome the initial hurdle of social pressure from the group. Essentially, the idea is to create a sense of familiarity or existing connection, making the approach less threatening and more palatable to both the target individual and her social circle.

Yes, La Ruina provides several other examples and scenarios to illustrate his points:

• The "Impossible" Club Scenario: He describes a situation where he wanted to approach a woman at an exclusive club, but she was behind a table with a group of guys and girls, making direct access seem impossible. Instead of giving up, he used a non-verbal cue (a smile and a wave) to get her attention. This elicited a positive response, and he then approached, using a friendly greeting to signal familiarity and ease his way into the group. He emphasizes that without this initial non-verbal setup, a direct approach would have likely failed due to the social barrier.

• Leveraging Female Friends for Social Proof: La Ruina mentions how having female friends can be advantageous. If he's friendly with a woman, her friends might invite him along to future outings. He even shares an anecdote where a woman he was with left to buy cigarettes, never returned, and later invited him to her house. He attributes this ease of access to building rapport and making female friends who can then introduce him to their social circles. This creates a situation where he is seen as a "known" and "safe" person, reducing the "wild card" element for the friends and making it easier to connect with new people.

• Demonstrating Friendliness Around Other Women: He talks about a technique where he might be talking to one woman and then make a gesture (like a hug or a friendly touch) in front of her friends. This demonstrates his comfort and friendliness with women in general, signaling to her that he's not threatening and making her more receptive. This subtly shows his social value and ability to interact positively with women.

• The "Secret Communication" in a Car: La Ruina recounts being in a car with a girl he was interested in, while his friend (the son of George Best) was in the front. While engaged in normal conversation, La Ruina was subtly touching the girl's leg. This "secret communication" created a private, intimate connection between them that her friends or the driver were unaware of. This allowed for escalation without drawing attention or creating social awkwardness. He contrasts this with a more overt escalation that might happen in front of others and be perceived negatively.