About this Video

• Video Title: Se fa queste cose è finita. Psicologia delle relazioni secondo Sandor Ferenczi
• Channel: Michele Mezzanotte
• Speakers: Michele Mezzanotte
• Duration: 12:15

Introduction

This video discusses the six signs, according to the psychology of Sandor Ferenczi, that indicate a relationship is ending. The speaker, Michele Mezzanotte, a psychotherapist, uses Ferenczi's concept of "closeness" in a relationship to explain these warning signs. He emphasizes that relationship endings aren't sudden but rather a culmination of small signals.

Key Takeaways

• Ferenczi's definition of a couple: A couple is defined by their inner closeness. The more emotionally close they are, the stronger the relationship; distance signifies the end.
• Six signs a relationship is ending: These signs are actions that create distance, such as: closing off communication, withholding parts of oneself, judgmental behavior, spending free time apart, and actions that diminish one's self-worth.
• Importance of shared experiences: Sharing experiences, especially sensory ones (like eating, listening to music, etc.), fosters closeness and strengthens the relationship.
• Identifying and repairing distance: Recognizing the areas of distance within a relationship is crucial for repair; these distances can stem from many factors including differences in communication styles or sexuality.
• The role of judgment: Judgment creates distance and prevents intimacy.

Here are the answers based on the provided transcript:

1. According to Sandor Ferenczi, what defines a couple? According to Ferenczi, a couple is defined by their closeness in the inner world. The more emotionally close they are, the stronger the relationship; distance signifies the end. (Timestamp: approximately 2:51-3:06)

2. What are the six actions or behaviors that Michele Mezzanotte identifies as signs that a relationship is ending? The six actions are:

   • Closing off communication: Refusal to talk or share parts of oneself. (Timestamp: approximately 4:50-5:08)
   • Withholding parts of oneself: Not sharing thoughts, feelings, dreams, difficulties, or desires. (Timestamp: approximately 5:36-6:08)
   • Judgment: Criticizing or disapproving of the partner. (Timestamp: approximately 9:44-10:30)
   • Spending free time alone: Choosing to spend free time alone instead of together. (Timestamp: approximately 10:29-11:10)
   • Diminishing the other's self-worth: Actions that make the partner feel less valuable. (Timestamp: approximately 11:15-11:30)

3. How does sharing sensory experiences, according to Mezzanotte, affect the closeness of a couple? Sharing sensory experiences, such as eating together, listening to music, dancing, watching movies, or visiting exhibits, cultivates sexuality and emotional connection because these shared activities are built upon sensations and emotions. (Timestamp: approximately 7:28-7:53)

4. Why does Michele Mezzanotte consider judgment to be detrimental to a relationship? Mezzanotte believes judgment creates distance because it acts as a barrier. When one partner judges the other, it indicates a lack of desire to understand, connect, or share, ultimately pushing the partners further apart. (Timestamp: approximately 9:44-10:30)