About this Video

• Video Title: Signs You’re NEGLECTING Your INNER CHILD's Need For Structure & Discipline (And How To Change It)
• Channel: Heidi Priebe
• Speakers: Heidi Priebe
• Duration: 00:29:29

Introduction

This video discusses the importance of structure and discipline in re- parenting one's inner child. Heidi Priebe explains that neglecting the inner child's need for safety, security, and structure can lead to anxiety, distress, and difficulty in decision-making. The video offers five questions to assess the state of one's relationship with their inner child and provides strategies to improve it.

Key Takeaways

1. Inner Child Needs: The inner child, representing the authentic emotional self, needs meaningful discipline and structure to thrive. Neglecting these needs leads to anxiety and overwhelm.
2. Assessing Your Relationship: Five questions are provided to assess how well you're meeting your inner child's needs: (1) daily anxiety vs. energy levels; (2) groundedness in decision-making; (3) resentment towards others vs. acceptance; (4) panic vs. patience in meeting needs; (5) how much shame/embarrassment hinders pursuing goals.
3. Authoritarian vs. Neglectful Parenting: The video contrasts authoritarian parenting (imposing meaningless rules) with neglectful parenting (failing to meet needs). A balanced approach is crucial.
4. Building Self-Trust: Rebuilding self-trust is essential to meet your own needs and reduce reliance on others.
5. Embodied Decision-Making: Making decisions based on a "yes" feeling in the body leads to more authentic choices and greater energy, while decisions based on "shoulds" often result in lethargy and anxiety.

1. The five questions Heidi Priebe suggests asking to assess your relationship with your inner child are:

   a) On a daily basis, how anxious and overwhelmed do you feel versus how energized and creative do you feel? b) How grounded do you feel when making decisions? c) On average, how much resentment do you feel towards others versus how accepting are you of them? d) How patient versus how panicked are you about getting your needs met? e) How much does shame and embarrassment hold you back from pursuing what you want?

2. Authoritarian parenting, according to Heidi Priebe, is characterized by imposing rules and structures that aren't necessarily in the child's best interest or tailored to their flourishing. Instead, these rules often reflect the parent's feelings or needs. This can lead to the child viewing structure as negative, stifling their emotional expression, and hindering their ability to relax and enjoy life. They may chronically monitor their behavior to avoid mistakes, experiencing a lack of adequate structure for their growth and development.

3. Chronic resentment, according to the video, arises when we fail to meet our inner child's needs and instead project those unmet needs onto others, expecting them to fulfill the role of a responsible parent. Because we avoid setting boundaries, which would create distance and limit the other person's ability to meet our needs, we instead experience resentment for their perceived failure to provide the structure and discipline we crave. Resentment, rather than anger, is a sign of enmeshment where needs are not being met independently.

4. The distinction between what the inner child wants and what it needs is crucial because a healthy parent understands both. Meeting only wants without considering needs can lead to imbalance and neglect. For example, the inner child might want to go out dancing while intoxicated, but needs to learn how to feel comfortable in their body and enjoy the experience without the need for alcohol. Understanding these distinctions allows for creating structure around genuine needs while still allowing for some desires to be fulfilled.