About this video

• Video Title: What I learned from 100 days of rejection
• Channel: TED
• Speakers: Jia Jiang
• Duration: 15:32

Overview

Jia Jiang shares his personal journey of overcoming the fear of rejection by intentionally seeking it out for 100 days. He recounts childhood experiences of rejection and his ambitious dreams of entrepreneurship, which were hindered by this fear. Through his "rejection therapy" experiment, he learned valuable lessons about engaging with rejection, turning "no" into "yes" by asking "why," and ultimately embracing it as a catalyst for growth and opportunity.

Key takeaways

• Childhood Trauma of Rejection: A seemingly simple classroom activity designed to teach compliments and gift-giving backfired for Jiang at age six, leaving him feeling publicly rejected and fostering a lifelong fear.
• Fear Hindering Ambition: Despite early aspirations of entrepreneurial success, Jiang's fear of rejection prevented him from pursuing new ideas and opportunities throughout his life.
• The "Rejection Therapy" Experiment: Inspired by an online concept, Jiang embarked on a 100-day challenge to actively seek rejection, documenting his experiences through a video blog to desensitize himself to the pain and learn from it.
• Learning to Engage with Rejection: Through his experiment, Jiang discovered that instead of running from rejection, engaging with it, asking "why," and persevering could often turn a "no" into a "yes" or lead to unexpected positive outcomes.
• Shifting Perspective: Jiang learned that rejection is not a definition of self-worth but an opportunity to reframe one's reaction. By embracing rejection, he transformed what was once a curse into a significant gift and a source of inspiration for others.

Here are the answers to your questions:

Jia Jiang learned several things during his 100-day rejection experiment:

1. He learned that rejection doesn't have to be the end: Instead of running away from a "no," he found that staying engaged and asking "why" could often lead to understanding, a referral, or even a "yes." For example, when denied a burger refill, he stayed and explained, which at least opened a dialogue.
2. He learned how to increase his chances of getting a "yes": By understanding the reasons behind a rejection and sometimes preemptively addressing potential doubts, he could frame his requests in a way that made people more amenable. His Starbucks greeter experience, where he acknowledged the potential weirdness of the request, is a prime example.
3. He learned that asking is a powerful tool for achieving dreams: He realized that many of his aspirations, like teaching a college class, could be realized simply by asking, rather than believing he needed to achieve certain predetermined milestones first.

His actions often reflected a learned response to avoid the "fight or flight" response, specifically the "flight" aspect. Initially, his instinct was to run away from rejection, as seen in his childhood experience and his reaction after being denied the loan. However, through the experiment, he consciously worked against this instinct. Instead of fleeing, he chose to "stay engaged," observe, and interact, which is akin to confronting the situation rather than escaping it. This conscious decision to not run away from rejection, even when it was uncomfortable, allowed him to process it and learn from it, transforming his relationship with it.