Why Women Keep You Around but Never Choose You

About this Video

• Video Title: Why Women Keep You Around but Never Choose You
• Channel: PsycheDepth
• Speakers: The transcript does not name the speaker.
• Duration: 00:26:57

Introduction

This video analyzes the psychological dynamics of why some men remain as "backup plans" or "options" for women, perpetually kept around but never chosen as a primary romantic partner. The speaker explains how this situation arises, its negative consequences for men, and how to escape this pattern.

Key Takeaways

1. The Option Position: Men often become "options," providing emotional support, practical assistance, and ego validation without any commitment or reciprocal investment from the woman. This perfectly exploits male psychology.
2. Intermittent Reinforcement: The woman's behavior often employs intermittent reinforcement, similar to a slot machine, keeping the man invested through occasional positive feedback (attention, possibility).
3. Economic Value of Option Men: Option men offer valuable services—emotional labor, practical help, validation—without the costs of a committed relationship.
4. Negotiation and Scarcity: The interaction between men and women involves a negotiation of relationship terms. High availability and immediate responses signal low value. Scarcity and maintaining some distance increase attractiveness.
5. Opportunity Costs: Remaining an option carries significant opportunity costs for men; time and energy are wasted on someone uncommitted, while potential relationships with others are missed. The longer this continues, the more damaging it becomes to the man's self-esteem and dating prospects.
6. False Progress Indicators: Women often give false indicators of progress—increased communication, personal sharing—that mimic relationship development but avoid commitment.
7. Reclaiming Power: Escaping this pattern requires understanding that romantic interest isn't created through excessive investment or availability. Instead, maintaining standards, having alternatives, and a willingness to walk away are key.